Even though I'd already made flight arrangements to the US, I changed them so that I could make my way to Oklahoma to visit with someone very close to my heart who was terminally ill. When I changed my tickets, I didn't know that she would pass away, but it was highly likely. I'm very happy that I was able to see her before she crossed peacefully. The service was beautiful and she is missed dearly.
I've debated for several weeks, "what do I want to write about?" The entire reason I flew home ahead of schedule was for this person but I don't feel like that should be the epitome of this post. I want to bring my travels full circle. How to do that has eluded me for some time.
It was certainly a shock to the system transporting from London to Oklahoma in a matter of days. Although I didn't have any difficulty slowing my pace--I'd been in vacation mode for five months already--I wasn't prepared for what I was walking into and needed to frequently remind myself where I was and to try to recall that particular way of thinking that (only) comes from living in the lashing part of the Bible Belt. Example: I went out one evening in OKC and threw on an outfit that I'd previously worn out in London and didn't think twice when I walked out of the house. However, when I walked into the bar The Wizard of Oz flashed in my mind, "We're not in Kansas anymore." Lesson learned; London attire doesn't translate to Oklahomanese. Clearly I wasn't thinking.
Before I left I was a planner who enjoyed organization and thrived on structure, albeit flexible with changes. When my mother said/asked, "which day do you want to get a pedicure? I was thinking Thursday or Friday at either 4pm or........" "Aaaaahhhhh," I said. "Timeout! I haven't been on a schedule for nearly six months and you're asking me to decide on date and time specifics? Let's go with Thursday/Friday-ish at say 4ish." After five months of moving about wherever my little heart desired and not having to be anywhere at a particular time (aside from flights) I've decided that I like leaving my options open much more than tying myself into something. My friends in England teased me that "my plan was to make a plan later."
I first noticed this when my second visitor came mid-November. This person lives in Brooklyn so you can imagine that the pace of their life is gogogogogogogofastfastfastfast. I observed them walking at the speed of light and inhaling their food. I don't say this to judge or because there's something inherently wrong with these habits, it's just that it made me pause and think. I remember when I first arrived in England and MJ made us dinner the first night. I too inhaled my meal. It took me close to a month to ease into the pace of a European lifestyle, but once I did, I didn't look back. The best compliment I received was in Rome when my CS host told me, "you don't seem American; you have more of a European, relaxed vibe."
As I slide back into life in Tucson--into classes, friends, and work--I find myself grasping, almost desperately, at that calmness I learned to feel during my travels. I'm not sure that it will ever exhibit the same feeling but I can sense that it's plaited into other traits within myself.
When I arrived in OK I was greeted with "welcome back." When I drove into AZ I was told, "welcome home." Although I'd mentally checked out of Tucson when I left last August, I felt like I was walking into open arms as I crossed the state line from New Mexico. I know I won't stay here permanently, mainly because the graduate programs that I'm interested in aren't located in Tucson, but also because I feel the need to try something new.
The next step in my "something new" involves moving to Las Vegas for the summer with my best friend, Lisa. I'm completely comfortable with the fact that I can only see a few months into my future. It's liberating leaving things to chance; who knows where I'll and what I'll be doing come August.
I'll keep up the travel updates as they happen; Oklahoma and Minnesota next month!
xxox
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